GUEST BLOG: Lisa Turney
They say healing starts within…
To say the least yes it does…
This April 11, will be the 3 year anniversary of my husband’s death. I thought my world came to an end in a matter of minutes after hearing the news. I cannot begin to explain to you how your mind goes from your world is OK? To what am I going to do?
That was the beginning of who am I?
It has taken me up until now to as they say “get my shit together”…. Pardon the pun!
So here is a wee part of my adventure, journey to where I have brought myself to where I am.
To me we are all a wee crazy, silly, spontaneous, fun loving and serious, but then reality brings you back to life. Life is love, talking, sharing, finding someone who is your end all be all. You see I’m a romantic at heart and my life was lived like that. I love with all my heart, I give me and have had the same in return, so when your life crumbles before your eyes. You tend to get messed up, which I did.
I didn’t like myself, I didn’t feel good about myself, l was lost…
I just did what I did because it was routine without thought or emotion because that is what I did.
I lost myself, yet maintained life’s duties.
I ran a 100 acre farm for a year and a half, yet who was I kidding? Trying to do everything by myself in a man’s world. Yet I did it, and am proud to this day. I bred purebred registered Horned Dorset Sheep disease free, class A status. My one Ram was the only bloodline from American stock in Canada. I raised 3 horses, 2 donkeys, raised chickens, had dogs and cats. I planted hay fields of top quality hay and rented out 40 acres to a local farmer for crops. Yes I was a single female in a man’s world.
Then I woke up….
I went within and had to find me, I’m a spiritual person so I started honoring my faith. I was raised roman catholic but to me that was not who I was. I was someone who believed that someone made all that is, and all that is, is beautiful. Doesn’t matter what you follow as long as you follow yourself. I hope that makes sense?
Finding yourself can be difficult if you have lost all perception of LIFE and YOU!
So long story short, here I am today.
To get to here, I have made mistakes, I have done some stuff that well let’s say I won’t do again. Isn’t that a few lessons learned, but I guess we all have them and mine, well some had to smack me upside the head before I shook my head and walked on.
So to tell you how I got to be where I am, like I said went within…
Looked reality in the face, and made major decision, major moves. Went into depression, hibernated, isolated myself till I woke up and decided to change for the better. I have told people stories but have never expressed myself this way.
Life is emotional, spiritual and physical and I have incorporated all of the three on a daily level. To make the new life that I wanted, to let the past fall away, to remember it, cherish it yet start new I had to make life changes. I am so grateful and happy that I have, because the path that I was going down wasn’t pretty and it wasn’t me.
So for me I started doing what I always loved, and that is being outside. To me outside is FREEDOM and when you are FREE, nothing confines you, restricts you. You connect with yourself, your thoughts, who you are, who you want to be. The mind is FREE of clutter and everyday noise of life. You connect to mother earth, the sky, the plants, all the birds, creatures, etc… and you can truly listen. If you silence the mind, silence the body, you begin to go within. You connect and this is where I found me.
I have come a long way, yet have a long way yet to go.
This is just part of who I am, I am a work in progress. People think they know me. But the ones who do, took the time actually break down the wall I built and get a warm welcome!
Lisa Turney lives in Guelph Ontario. She enjoys walking in nature with her dogs where she finds peace. She is currently writing a trilogy for children and hopes to have it published in the near future.